I don’t have a crystal ball, but my Hen House Chemtrails IPA seems to have its own predictive qualities. Staring deeply into that golden goodness last night I received a vision … a prognostication really … about the upcoming rematch between Trump and Clinton (October 9). Here are the highlights:
- No issue of substance will be addressed.
- Trump will make a back-handed comment about Pence.
- Hillary will bate him into it by complimenting the size of Pence’s hands.
- Defending his sexual prowess, Trump will claim to have “known” Gloria Vanderbilt, mother of Anderson Cooper, who is moderating the debate.
- Anderson Cooper will be furious and rush the stage to take a swing at The Donald.
- He stumbles, misses, and ends up in a awkward embrace.
- The aging Trump will look into Cooper’s young-ish eyes, run his hands through his full head of hair, and admit “I am your father, Anderson.”
- Cooper will scream “No … no … that’s impossible …. Nooooooooooo!” and exit the stage.
- That will be the last we see of Cooper until he returns years later to kill his father and lead the rebellion against the evil empire.
- Trump, heartbroken, will cast aspersions on “homos.”
- Hillary will shimmy like an old man after his morning constitutional.
- A week later, SNL will make a less entertaining parody of the debate, which will end long after everyone stops laughing.
I’m not a betting man, but I’m feeling pretty good about this. Take it to the bank.